Cheating is for children…

June 14, 2011 4 Comments

The first few months of a relationship are easy. The excitement and the newness fill in all the spots where substance is supposed to go. You’re having sex. Every conversation you have and every place you go is uncharted territory. You’re both pulling out your best material to impress each other. What a blast!

But as we all know, this initial ecstasy doesn’t last. It’s not sustainable. After the first 2-3 months you actually have to work to progress. Suddenly it takes effort to communicate. The physical connection is no longer instant and automatic. Now you have to work. You have to compromise. You have to be patient. You have to be disciplined.

For that reason, real, mature relationships are challenging.

Resistance is what separates the men from the boys, and the ladies from the girls. Children avoid resistance. Adults embrace it as the process by which all things of value are obtained.

For a person to be unfaithful in a relationship means two things have happened:

1. The relationship has matured/reached the point where the effort required to advance it has eclipsed the instant automatic gratification it provides. AKA, some point after month three.

2. Rather than identify this situation, and address it, the disgruntled/dissatisfied party instead looks elsewhere on the “down-low” for an easy fix. Namely a NEW fling/relationship, were the ecstasy period is still in effect and heightened by the inherent scandal of the double-dip.

It’s really that simple. This process can also be described with one word: Scumbagery. However, for the sake of manners, we’ll refer to the person who engages in this process simply as the “Cheater”.

A cheater is a child. He or she has reached a point of resistance in their relationships that they are not mature enough to handle. If the cheater could just admit their laziness, fear, boredom, or weakness, what we’d have here is a simple break up. “Baby, I’m just not willing to put the work in to make this work.” (or more likely, “It’s not you, it’s me.”) That’s all it would take. And while it would be disappointing or upsetting, at least it would be honest. What a great world this would be.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting something else. Right? As long as you’re honest about it. However, honesty is a direct approach, and honesty involves fortitude. Breaking up with someone can be difficult. So the cheater avoids this direct exit. Instead, the cheater seeks an opportunity for an easy fix outside of their relationship, all the while remaining in the comfort of the relationship. This is lazy. This is lying. This is denial.

The cheater gets to experience the benefits of a new relationship without the hardship of cleanly breaking off their current relationship. Hell, he or she might even get away with it….for a little while. But truth, like gravity, always prevails, eventually. Feelings are hurt, trust is openly destroyed, and years worth of emotional baggage are created. This micro-occurrence of infidelity contributes to the aggregate distrust and damage associated with the bachelor/bachelorette dynamic.


So please. For the sake of mankind (and womankind)… If you find your eyes wandering, address it before your hands and pants start wandering too. If you find yourself unsatisfied or unfulfilled with your current relationship, take time to end it before you slip into the night for a new romance.

And, if you find yourself in a cheater’s wake, know that what the cheater did had nothing to do with you. Do not give second chances, do not leave the door open for another go around after the scumbag dust settles….

Cheating is for children, and you are an adult.

KEEP IT SEXY…

 

Dating, Relationships, Social
4 Comments to “Cheating is for children…”
  1. A7238 says:

    This is really a very good message :)

  2. Haleybell says:

    Great article. So much “scumbagery” out there these days. Ha Keep these coming

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